I knocked my right top incisor clean out of my head this morning, I hope your hour before work was equally eventful.
|It's funny until it's you. Then it's funny to everybody else.|
A bit of background. For the last few weeks, I’ve taken more than my fair share of spills when my left leg gives out unexpectedly—the other day I had my entire leg twisted at a really strange angle and was putting all of my weight on it when it buckled and I fell down mid-conversation in my own office. I think, had I feeling in that leg, it would have been saying something like “OHDEARGODWHYOHTHEPAINHOLYSHITDUDEPLEASESTOP.” Down I went. This morning was sort of similar. I had my backpack pretty full with things I need to ship for the Desert Bus auction, and I stepped out of the car but put the weight on the wrong leg and my mouth came down on the top of the door pretty hard. I had swallowed the tooth before I realized anything had happened. I got really upset and didn’t really have anywhere for that anger to go…
I mean, I know why I’m upset. I still haven’t paid off all of my existing hospital bills, not by quite a bit actually, and my job heavily relies on my ability to market games and generally has some semblance of present-ability when talking about video games. Having been through the procedure before, I also know that getting an implant to replace the tooth will be in upwards of eight thousand dollars, and insurance doesn’t cover a whole lot of that.
So, outside of the pain of my face picking a fight with a car door, I at some point need to get this fixed so I don’t look like Stew from The Hangover (which, sidenote: I rented the Hangover II in relation to finding it funny we lost the same tooth. While slightly funny, the movie is pretty devoid of what I would refer to as “soul.” I vote: skip it.)
I’ve also decided that starting now I’m going to be using a cane to get around more easily (where “easily” is “not trying to Chris Farley everything.” Vans, rivers, sometimes they get together.) If you find a cool cane on the internet, feel free to link it in the comments of the blog and I’ll check it out.
|I currently weigh less than David Spade in this photo.|
So, this stroke so far has cost me: my right eye’s sight, the feeling in my left leg and arm, one of my friggin’ teeth, the ability to drive, and about thirty pounds, among many other things. Yeah, I know the ladies are lining up to get a piece of that action. Have you seen my collection of Silverhawks action figures from the mid-80’s? They’re mint!
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